Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What changed your mind?
Being sober
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
