if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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