Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
