I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
