Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just gift wrapped bread.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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