I just made out with a guy for $7.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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