if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
