i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
