It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
