White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
