weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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