Im at strip club and am horny
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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