The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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