; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
