I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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