so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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