lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
