She's JV to your varsity
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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