his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
