I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
