I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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