so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
