When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My cat gives me a boner
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
