Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I supernannyed him into submission
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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