I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
