what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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