you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
