Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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