Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
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You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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