i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
