nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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