put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
