I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
