he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
