you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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