me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
