i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
