Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
