Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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