Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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