And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
