My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
