I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
