Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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