Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
