its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize