You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
