found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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