If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
