Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.

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  (401): i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care. http://tfl.nu/npdd
  Replies (10) Good night (2867) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees

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  (201): we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees http://tfl.nu/26hp
  Replies (43) Good night (2947) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

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  (248): Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit? http://tfl.nu/e30d
  Replies (24) Good night (6926) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.

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  (610): we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/7jhm
  Replies (10) Good night (4666) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?

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  (330): I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over? http://tfl.nu/p1bn
  Replies (14) Good night (4453) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.

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  (708): My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase. http://tfl.nu/2212
  Replies (4) Good night (1181) Bad night (3151) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.

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  (+61): Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking. http://tfl.nu/00hi
  Replies (6) Good night (617) Bad night (1506) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.

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  (315): gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk. http://tfl.nu/w2fg
  Replies (2) Good night (1764) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter

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  (732): he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter http://tfl.nu/lu6b
  Replies (5) Good night (779) Bad night (1910) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.

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  (559): Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on. http://tfl.nu/nei9
  Replies (7) Good night (903) Bad night (1440) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?

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  (740): besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right? http://tfl.nu/pxhk
  Replies (7) Good night (1328) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.

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  (262): Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward. (262): I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win. http://tfl.nu/2vvo
  Replies (18) Good night (624) Bad night (1586)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy

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  (214): And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy http://tfl.nu/y3l1
  Replies (14) Good night (2022) Bad night (539)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.

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  (480): Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night. http://tfl.nu/4efw
  Replies (13) Good night (633) Bad night (1359)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka

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  (817): Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka http://tfl.nu/xkay
  Replies (9) Good night (448) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt

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