Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend