end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.