wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.