"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
