I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.