I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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third nipple confirmed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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