Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
