Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
