he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
