you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
