Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
