You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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