i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
