So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
