why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
