I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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