Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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