This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
