I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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