I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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