i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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