let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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