I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
