You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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