I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
