just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
