I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize