No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someone came in the potted fern
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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