i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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