I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
