woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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