Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
