I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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